The first Sunday of May is recognised throughout the world, as Bereaved Mother’s Day.

Each year, TCF NSW has organised a wonderful High Tea in recognition of those Mothers within our organisation who have lost a child. A chance to share and remember with love, children that are no longer with us.

As part of the day, our President made a small address to the mums present, which we include below.

“ This is always such a wonderful day in being able to bring you together to share High Tea.

But, each year as I prepare for this event – I struggle in knowing what to say to a group of mums and addressing your loss and the sadness that permeates this day, on other special days and in effect every day of your lives. 

Like the majority of us, I have only had one mum (and I know there are exceptions to the rule), so I thought about my own mum and what she meant to me. 

A woman who from the moment of conception was determined to protect her children, something that she would continue to do until her dying day, because like every mother, age never mattered.  I would still be her child, even as this ageing man.  She protected me and my siblings in the womb and would continue to protect us, until she was no longer able. 

And that’s the thing about being a mother – that bond, that love, that connection – can never end.  And as a mere male, I accept that the relationship with a father is different.  When my wife was pregnant, the closest I came to being aware of a life growing within her, was to feel movement of our children in utero and it’s not quite the same.  As a father I was presented with this little parcel after 9 months, but as mothers you have that special time of feeling your babies grow and knowing them before anyone else.

So, in trying to pull something together, I focused on thinking about my own mum, and what she might have wanted to hear today.  She lost a child, my younger brother and lived with that loss for over 50 years – but I wonder what   my younger brother might have wanted to say to her.

I think he would want to say this,

‍ ‍ “Mum, I’m still here.  I never left you – because I never could.  I felt and heard your heart beat, as I was growing within you and when I was born,  I took part of you with me.    

You were there with my first breathe.  You were there as I opened my eyes.  You were there with my first cry – and all I knew was love.  Total, unconditional love. 

I grew  thanks to the love and attention that you showered on me.  I grew at your expense.  If something had to be sacrificed, you would do so – so that I would benefit, I would thrive, I would grow. 

You were there on my first day of school.  You were the one that patched me up, if I fell and scrapped my knee.  You held me when things were difficult.  You were always my “go-to”. Never to criticise, but always prepared to listen and advise, without judgement or bias. 

Loving you was so very easy – but now it breaks me, to see you cry because I am no longer with you.  How could I ever cause you so much pain – I couldn’t. 

The universe can be very unfair though, and whilst I wish my journey had been longer, that wasn’t meant to be.

 I understand your sadness – but mum, know that I have never left you.  I am here with you.  You carry me now in your heart, just as you carried me in the womb.  Just as you carried me in your arms.  And mum that will be your reality whilst ever you walk this earth:  I will be there with you.  In your heart, ready to burst out with a simple thought, a memory that refreshes the memories of our time together.

I will never leave you.  I can never leave you.  I am part of you and I love you. 

No one and nothing will ever change that.  It is our reality through eternity”.

I think my brother would have grown into a caring, gentle man. 

But you know, it’s not just my brother that would share these words,  Every child that we remember today, every child that was part of you,  cries out through eternity that they are still with you, wanting you to remember how much you are loved.  Wanting you to share their story, ready to burst out of your heart and let the world know that you carry them still. Wanting you to share every moment of this life with them.  Wanting you to live this life in their honour.  Wanting you to smile because you are so loved.

And this message, is not just a message for mums who carried their child, but also for those mums that changed their lives and chose to become a mum to a child  whether by adopting a child  or marrying into a family and becoming a step parent to a child.  Those mums that gave of themselves to be that special person in a child’s life.

So mums, today especially, cherish the day that reminds you that you are a mum and that you are loved.

Our many thanks to:

Our Patrons - Mary & Tony Carroll

      Carroll & O’Dea Lawyers for support and use of their facilities

      Denise & Joy

      Jo & Michelle

      Kym &  Liam

      Peter

      Lindt & Haigh Chocolates

      Raffle Prizes – Joy & Denise & Natio